


Finding Me & Finding You

by someonethatsfunny



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, I don't think there's any triggers, M/M, Pining, Pining and fluff, a lot of pining, it's basically, kind of but it's not the focus, ugh I'm bad at tagging sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonethatsfunny/pseuds/someonethatsfunny
Summary: Harry's POV and companion piece to Beneath the Sound of Hope. This should be read second if possible as it will make more sense that way.





	Finding Me & Finding You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FullOnLarrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullOnLarrie/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Lauren!! You consistently provide the fandom with amazing fics so I wanted to do a little something in honor of your birthday. My brain had other ideas at first which resulted in a grand total of 77 words. Thankfully, Nic stepped in and saved me from myself :)
> 
> This fic 100% happened because of Nic! She wrote the first part and let me pre-read it. I loved it and immediately asked if she would allow me to write a companion piece in Harry's POV and she (very generously) agreed and then beta'd it as well so that it wouldn't be a complete mess ;)) So I hope that you enjoy this little bit of young Larry fluff set in the 90's and I hope that you have an amazing birthday as well!! Thank you for your fics and friendship. I treasure them both <3\. And Nic, thank you for letting me be a part of your creation! I love this verse and really enjoyed working on it with you <3!

As he watched the car pull away from the sidewalk, Harry felt his heart deflate. Today had easily been one of the best days of his life, though it wasn’t for the reason he anticipated. Instead, it was all down to one specific person who, to Harry, seemed larger than life itself, like the human embodiment of actual sunshine. 

It’s crazy because the opportunity to be seen on MTV was plenty enough reason for him to have an amazing day, and catching his first big break  _ was _ exciting, for sure. But being an extra in a music video wasn’t why his mind was still spinning. 

And the fluttery feeling that had been attacking his insides all day long? Well, it wasn’t because he’d shared space with one of his favorite bands. 

No. 

These feelings were all down to a boy. A boy with the bluest of eyes, and the most radiant smile that Harry had ever seen. He’d known the boy for less than a day and already he knew that nothing was ever going to be the same. If he was being fully honest with himself, he would admit that everything had already changed. 

The fact that this very same boy had just driven away from him was a goddamn travesty. Especially since Harry had been too overwhelmed to consider asking him for his number. 

Of course the boy hadn’t asked for his number either. But Harry refused to let himself dwell upon that. He had bigger life-altering revelations to consider at the moment. 

“I met a boy.” The words spilled loosely from his lips as soon as he pulled the car door shut behind him. Fleetwood Mac’s “Never Going Back Again” streamed through his mom’s car speakers, becoming the soundtrack to his confession. 

Her eyes were steadfast, locked against his own and he felt his heart flip flop in anticipation of what would follow. He watched her carefully, but her smile never faltered and she held his stare as she answered him simply, “I thought you might someday.” Then, without missing a beat, her eyes shifted towards the road in front of them and she pulled away from the curb. “Tell me all about him.” 

Though her attention had shifted towards the road, her smile remained. And Harry knew that even though a part of him felt changed, his relationship with his mom would decidedly stay the same. 

“His name’s Louis,” Harry replied, exhaling a long breath. 

***

 

“Why didn’t I ask him for his number?” Harry whined pitifully to his mom and Gemma, not for the first time. 

“You’ve got it bad, little brother.” Gemma sipped at her strawberry milkshake, smiling smug around the straw. 

“’M taller than you,” he snapped back quickly. It was a sad excuse of a comeback, but the best he had, because she wasn’t wrong. Harry did have it bad. 

“Leave him alone, dear,” Anne admonished his sister, but there was no weight to her words. She was giggling at him as she spoke them. 

And he supposed he deserved it. 

It had been a full twenty-four hours and Harry could not stop talking about the blue-eyed boy. His mind was a continuous loop of Louis,  _ Louis _ , LOUIS as he mentally cataloged every single detail about him. Everything, including the way he moved. Graceful, like a ballerina, his feet carried him effortlessly across the floor. The complete opposite of Harry who more often than not found himself tripping over air. Even when they’d been dancing in the music video, Louis’ movements were precisely delicate. And lovely. 

So lovely. 

Covering his mouth to conceal the fondness he felt creeping across his face yet again, Harry smiled into his hand and pictured Louis smiling back at him. Throughout the shoot, Harry had found himself working more for Louis’ attention than anything else. His smiles were like beams of sunshine and Harry basked in each one of them, allowing them to warm his skin. 

Ugh. Gemma was right. He  _ did  _ have it bad. And without a number to contact Louis, there wasn’t a single thing that he could do about it. 

Harry was desperate for a distraction from his own thoughts. “Do you wanna go to the consignment shop?” Harry asked Gemma.

They had a favorite place downtown, one that offered reasonable prices and an extensive vintage collection. Maybe he could find a pair of nice leather boots. He’d been on the hunt for a while now and had yet to find a pair in his size. 

“Always,” Gemma responded, already starting towards the door. “But I’m driving.” She snatched the keys from the hook by the front door, twirling them around on her finger. “I’m not trusting my life with an inexperienced youth who’s too busy daydreaming about his perfect lover boy to focus on the road.”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes. He may have only had his permit, but he was certain he was a better driver. But considering the current circumstances, they were probably both better off with Gemma behind the wheel. 

***

 

“They’re half falling apart, Harry!” Gemma insisted. 

“They’re perfect,” he answered, speaking more to the boots than his sister. His fingers trailed along the supple leather, admiring them. “I’ll take these,” he told the salesgirl. “And the blue scarf as well.”

“Oh god. Please don’t tell me that scarf reminds you of a certain someone’s eyes or I’m absolutely going to hurl.” 

In hindsight, it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to have waxed poetic about the blue of Louis’ eyes to her before selecting a scarf that was a near perfect match. He could feel his cheeks heating up with embarrassment at being called out so accurately, but there was still no way he’d admit that she was right. She had been relentless in her teasing so far and he didn’t intend to give her more ammunition. 

“Not sure what you’re talking about. I just like the color.” He busied himself by digging out his wallet and carefully counting out the right change to pay for his new treasures, avoiding his sister’s accusing eyes. 

As he handed the money over, he thought about how he deserved these things. He was a working actor, after all. True he’d hardly be getting paid for being an extra, but one day he would. He was sure of it. 

“Mmhmm,” Gemma hummed, clearly not buying his pathetic excuse, but letting it slide regardless. 

 ***

“You could try to look up his number and ring him. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like the connection between the two of you was mutual,” his mom suggested later that same night. 

Her words washed over him like warm rain, soaked in and just like that, Harry felt as if he’d chugged a pot of coffee (not that he ever would because  _ ew _ but still, the point stands). His heart thumped loudly and he had the sudden urge to start running laps around their neighborhood to release this newfound pent up energy. 

“I could look him up,” he repeated the words back to his mom as if it hadn’t been her idea in the first place, his mind taking off in a full sprint. What if Louis answered the phone? But, oh god, what if he  _ didn't _ answer the phone? Surely that would be worse. Actually  _ no _ . The worst thing would be if Louis answered the phone and didn't remember who he was. Or god,  _ even worse _ ,  what if he wasn’t happy to hear from him? Harry would positively die of mortification. 

Apparently he zoned out for a minute, consumed with the worst case scenario, because he hadn’t even realized that his mom had left the room until she returned, brandishing a phone book in her hand. “Here you go, dear,” She smiled kindly, passing it over to him. 

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“What if he doesn’t remember me?”

“Darling it’s been less than forty-eight hours. I highly doubt that he’s forgotten you.”

“But what if—” 

“Well, you’ll never know unless you try, Harry. But trust me when I tell you that you are not an easy one to forget. So if he doesn’t remember you? Or he’s less than thrilled to hear from you?”

Harry looked at her expectantly, his eyes unblinking as he waited for the punchline.  

“Well then he’s not worth it, darling. And he doesn’t deserve you. Not even as a friend.”

“He’s worth it.” Harry frowned down at his hands, deep in thought for a moment as he imagined ringing the boy up and what may or may not happen if he did. “He’s worth it, Mom.” Harry met her eyes again, resolute in his estimation of Louis’ worth. 

He  _ was _ worth it. There wasn’t a whole lot that Harry was sure of in life, but there was no question about this. Louis was worth  _ so _ much. He’d managed to single handedly alter Harry’s entire life in less than a day. Harry could only imagine what might’ve happened if only they’d had more time together. He could absolutely kick himself for not asking for his number when he’d had the chance.  

“Well, I guess you know what you need to do then,” his mom smiled at him before ruffling his hair and kissing the top of his head. 

“Yeah.” Harry ran his hand across the front cover of the phone book for a few seconds before opening it up and flipping to the T’s.  _ Tomlinson.  _

_ Oh shit _ . “Ughhh,” Harry groaned out loud, slumping down in his chair and leaning forward to knock his forehead against the table in frustration. “There’s got to be a couple hundred Tomlinsons listed in LA, maybe more.” The multiple columns of Tomlinsons was perhaps the worst thing he’d seen and it was replaying in his mind like an impossible to solve math problem. 

This was a fucking nightmare. How was he ever going to find him? It would be like searching for a needle in a haystack.  _ Impossible.  _

“What now?” Gemma asked as she cruised through the kitchen door, headed towards the fridge. She grabbed the pitcher of lemonade and poured herself a glass as her eyes flickered curiously between Harry and their mom. 

“Harry’s worried about calling Louis,” his Mom answered for him and it was a good thing because he was still moaning into the wooden table about his bad luck. 

“It’s not that,” Harry protested, reluctantly lifting his head to meet their eyes. “His last name’s Tomlinson.” He shoved the phone book across the table so the two of them could see for themselves. 

“Oh, yikes,” Gemma replied, clearly seeing the problem for exactly what it was. 

“Yeah. Yikes.”

“Oh dear,” Anne exclaimed, peering over Gemma’s shoulder at the neverending list of Tomlinsons. “Perhaps you should sleep on it first. It’s kind of late anyway so you probably shouldn’t be ringing a pageful of strangers at this hour.”

“Yeah. Sleep sounds good.” And it did. Sound good, that is. Harry was positive it wasn’t in the cards for him yet. Not with the mental acrobatics currently taking place inside his head.

“Good. Get some rest, darling. Then you can tackle those numbers tomorrow morning, after breakfast.” His Mom walked over, pulled him into a tight hug and then leaned up to give him a kiss on his forehead. “You’ll find him honey. I’ve got a strong feeling about it.” She whispered her reassurance, sounding so resolute that could Harry almost believed her.  _ Almost.  _ There were a lot of Tomlinsons on those pages though. 

“Thanks Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too, darling. Get some rest,” she instructed as she started towards the stairs. 

Though he had good intentions, Harry suspected that sleep wasn’t going to come easy that night and he was right. Several hours later, he found himself still tossing and turning as he contemplated how all the possible scenarios might play out the next day. 

His favorite was the one where Louis answered the phone and declared himself hopelessly infatuated with Harry. The two of them then met up over ice cream sodas, trading sips of one another’s which technically meant that they were swapping spit. Which was pretty damn close to kissing. 

_ God. Kissing.  _ That was almost impossible to imagine and yet, it was the one thing that Harry could  _ not stop  _ thinking about. He wondered how much different it would be from the kisses he’d shared in the past. How much  _ better.  _

It was exciting to imagine kissing a boy. Like.  _ Really really  _ exciting. So that’s exactly what he did. 

All. Night. Long. 

First, he thought about Louis’ pink lips, wondering how they might taste. They looked like bubblegum, but for some reason Harry imagined them tasting like watermelon. Or maybe strawberry or raspberries, definitely something sweet. He licked his own lips, feeling how chapped they were and immediately grabbed for his tub of Vaseline to soften them up. If he ever did get the chance, he wanted his lips to be ready. 

His mind quickly switched from PG to rated R as he pictured Louis crowding into his space and boxing him in up against the wall. Imagined how it would feel to have the hard planes of Louis’ chest pushing into his own and how it would feel to push back. To give back as much as he was getting. After countless imagined scenarios and a stiffy that persisted through each and every one of them, he finally gave in and pulled one off with Louis’ name falling from his lips as he finished. 

Only then, after releasing some tension, did his mind finally slow down enough for him to pass out. And though he slept, he dreamt about Louis that night, his mind refusing to completely let go. 

***

 

“I’m sorry to have bothered you, ma’am.” Harry apologized for what felt like the thousandth time so far that day. Placing the phone back on its cradle, he dropped his head to the table, much like he’d done the night before. 

“I’m never gonna find him,” he whined out loud to the empty kitchen. 

“Not with that attitude you’re not,” Gemma chirped from behind him.  _ Oh _ . Not empty then. 

Picking his head up, he fixed her with his harshest glare. “Gems, I’ve been cursed out no less than five times in the last half hour. One lady accused me of being a sex phone operator trying to lure in unsuspecting victims. People hang up on me without saying anything at all and look at this!” Harry shoved the phone book her way so she could see that he had one full column of Tomlinsons scratched off. There were still  _ five  _ more columns. And that was just on this page. He was terrified to flip the page over. God only knows what he might find. 

Harry slammed his forehead back down on the table, moaning into the wood helplessly. So what if he was being a little dramatic. Surely he was entitled given his luck so far. He’d been at this for hours already.

“Okay, young padawan. I think it’s time for you to take a break,” Gemma laughed as she tugged him to his feet, not seeming the slightest bit phased at his strong protests against whatever plan she had in mind. He had a boy to find. What could possibly be more important than that?

***

 

It turned out that greasy cheeseburgers and onion rings  _ were _ more important. At least for now they were. But as soon as they got back home, he planned to get straight back to business. Harry smiled happily at his sister as he took a giant, sloppy bite of his double decker. 

“Gross,” Gemma casually commented as she took a much more civilized bite out of her own. 

To prove how right she was, Harry smiled even more widely so that she would have a perfect view of his half-chewed food. 

“You’re nasty. If you do find this  _ Louis _ of yours, I hope he’s prepared to overlook your many flaws.”

Like a trigger pulled, his lips immediately turned down. Swallowing heavily, he considered a world in which he didn’t find him. 

“Hey now, none of that. Christ, I was kidding Harry. Of course you’re going to find him,” she reassured him, sensing his rapid mood decline. 

“I—” Harry was abruptly cut off, as someone stood next to their booth. 

“Harry?”

“Liam?” Harry exclaimed as he jumped up to give the boy a one-armed hug. He was shocked by this completely random turn of events. After all, he’d been searching for a boy from the music video. And then the universe had done a solid by dropping one right at his feet. The only problem being, it wasn’t the right boy. 

“I thought that was you!” Liam replied, his smile pushing his eyes into happy half moons. “I’m having lunch over there with my family.” Liam pointed across the diner to a booth in the opposite corner. An older couple waved happily in their direction before turning back towards their lunch.

Honestly, what were the chances of him finding Liam again? Surely, if he could find Liam, the universe would help him find Louis as well.  _ Surely _ .

“Gem, this is Liam. Liam, my sister, Gemma.” He motioned towards her. “We met at the music video shoot a few days ago,” Harry explained further. 

She immediately started choking on her food, clearly catching the irony of the situation. After returning to normal, she smiled sweetly at Liam. “It’s nice to meet you, Liam. I’ve heard a lot about the video and the new friends Harry met that day.”

Harry shot her a warning glance and prayed she’d get the message. And it wasn’t that he was embarrassed or anything. It’s just that all of these feelings were quite new and he hadn’t quite had the opportunity to process it all. He wasn’t sure that he was ready for anyone other than his family to know just yet. Feeling slightly panicked, his eyes flickered back and forth between his sister and Liam uneasily. 

“Nice to meet you too. We had a good day at the shoot. Didn’t we, Harry?”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you sit down for a minute?” Gemma asked. So Harry and Liam slid into the booth beside one another. “Have you spoken to anyone else from the shoot? Harry mentioned a Steve and a… what was his name again?” Her smile was saccharine sweet and Harry’s leg bounced nervously up and down, worried that she was being too obvious. 

“Louis,” Liam happily supplied. 

“That’s right! Louis!” She looked like the Cheshire Cat’s evil twin. Honestly, it was creepy.

“But no. To answer your question, I haven’t seen anyone from the shoot until now. How bout you, Harry? I figured you and Louis might’ve kept in touch. You guys seemed to have a special connection.” Liam winked at him. He actually winked and Harry wanted to die. Until this moment, he had no idea how transparent he’d actually been. And this was before he’d even figured things for himself out so that was even more embarrassing. Offhandedly, he wondered if it had been obvious to Louis as well. If so, had it made him uncomfortable? Or had he liked it?  _ God _ .

Harry could feel his face heating up and he tripped over his words in a haste to get them out. “Yeah. We got on well, but it wasn’t. Like. I mean. Wasn’t like that. So I didn’t. Like. I don’t have his number. Yeah.” He stared down at his hands which he was nervously twisting together. 

“Oh hey. I didn’t mean anything by that, Harry. But for the record, even if it had been  _ like that? _ Wouldn’t matter to me.” Liam nudged his arm, forcing him to look back up, making eye contact. And what he found there was nothing but complete honesty staring back at him. 

“Thanks. But yeah. I don’t even have his number, so...” The implication was there. He didn’t deny that he would’ve wanted it to be exactly  _ like that.  _ Just. It wasn’t. Not yet, anyway. 

“Well you could probably try looking him up if you wanted,” Liam innocently suggested. 

Gemma started giggling as Harry groaned, dropping his head to the table again in what was fast becoming his signature move. 

“He’s been trying,” she offered in way of explanation. 

“Well, I could help if you wanted,” Liam replied. “Here. Let me give you my number.” He waved over a waitress to borrow a pen and scribbled his number on a napkin. Handing it over, he told Harry, “I should probably get back to my family. But yeah. Call me if I can help?”

“Okay. Thanks Liam. It was good seeing you.” Harry stood up to give him another quick hug goodbye. Maybe he would. 

***

 

Later that day, after many more hang ups, Harry had his first breakthrough. 

“Louis’ not here today.” The woman’s voice was crystal clear. For a few seconds Harry remained frozen, shocked that he actually found him. Louis wasn’t there  _ today _ . That implied that he lived there, right?

“Hello?” She sounded impatient. 

“Oh, okay, sorry. Would I be able to leave my number for him?”

“Sure thing, doll. Let me grab a pen.” When she told him she was ready, he recited their number, making sure to enunciate as clearly as possible. “Got it,” she said simply and then the line went dead. 

Harry held the receiver in his hand for so long that the busy signal started going off. Only then did he set it back in its cradle. 

“I found him,” he told his mom in a hushed voice.  He was interrupting whatever show they were all watching, but he didn’t care. He was buzzing and needed to share his good news. 

“Oh that’s wonderful, darling!” She spun around excitedly. “What did he say? Did he remember you?” She giggled into her hand, clearly amusing herself at his expense. 

“He wasn’t home,” he pouted. “I had to leave my number for him. Do you think he’ll call me back?” 

“Of course he will, sweetie. He’d be a fool not to,” she assured him. 

He hoped that she was right. 

***

 

She wasn’t. 

Louis didn’t return his call. And Harry tried his best to be okay with it. He really did, but it grated heavily on him. That night he lay in bed wondering if he’d created their shared chemistry in his head. Perhaps it hadn’t been mutual at all. Maybe it was exactly as he’d first feared. He was changed with no way of finding his way back to his former self, and Louis was going on with his life, unaware and unchanged. 

Completely unaffected. 

***

 

“Liam I don’t know if I can go.” 

“What? Don’t be mad. Of course you’re going,” Liam insisted two days after the fatal unreturned phone call. 

They’d both received calls that morning informing them that there’d been a mishap in production. All the extras were being asked to come back so they could capture the house party scene a second time. His heart had pounded loudly as the woman rattled off the details, thrilled at the prospect of seeing Louis again, but then his brain had rudely chimed in, shutting down his unbridled excitement. 

Naturally, he’d called Liam straight away. “Ahhh! I wondered if I’d be hearing from you!” Liam had chattered on excitedly, thrilled to be getting another stab at a future acting career. Or singing, rather. Harry recalled Liam and Steve discussing their plans to conquer the music industry one day. 

Harry wasn’t one to rain on another person’s parade, but they’d hardly met the Smashing Pumpkins, let alone made any connections that would lead Liam or Steve into a studio for recording time. Still, Liam was entitled to be excited and Harry wouldn’t fault him for it. The experience had been life-altering for Harry, so who’s to say that it wouldn’t bring about some positive things for Liam as well. 

“So I take it you’re going then?” Harry asked him. 

“Oh god, yeah. And so are you,” Liam tacked on confidently. 

“Yeah.” There was no use lying to himself or anyone else about it. He was one hundred percent going. 

So he was maybe possibly going to see Louis again.  _ Maybe.  _ Of course there was no guarantee that Louis would show up. And even if he did? He hadn’t returned Harry’s call so who’s to say how well things would go.  

But it had been two days and Harry had all but given up hope of reconnecting with Louis when this phone call came. It felt an awful lot like fate to be afforded another opportunity. But Louis hadn’t called him back he reminded himself yet again, sulking in light of that hard fact. He forced himself not to get his hopes up again. Hope had proven itself dangerous so far. 

“Liammm,” Harry whined pitifully. 

“Stop it,” Liam insisted, no nonsense. “Just call him again. It might make you feel better. Plus, he might not have even received the message you left and all your worrying will have been for nothing.”

“No.” Harry was resolute. He wouldn’t embarrass himself further. Except that apparently he would because there was going to be a reshoot. And Harry wasn’t sure he could get through the day without asking. 

_ Why didn’t you call me back? _

***

 

As he walked up to the check in station, his heart rabbitted away inside his chest. He took a few deep breaths, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. 

This was it. His second chance. Make it or break it time. In a matter of minutes he would finally figure out whether he’d built this whole thing up inside his head or if it was real. 

“Harry, will you please relax?” his Mom had begged him earlier. Those pleas had fallen upon deaf ears though. Instead, his palms had crescent-shaped indentations where he’d anxiously dug his nails into his skin.

“I am relaxed,” he’d insisted halfheartedly. It was a blatant lie and they both knew it. 

“Honey, listen to me for just a second, okay?” Her voice demanded his attention. “Whatever happens today happens. You can’t force something if it’s not meant to be. And if it's meant to be, it will be.”

He knew exactly what was coming next.

“It is what it is,” the two of them spoke the words at the same time, Harry rolling his eyes as he said them. His mom had uttered those same words multiple times through the years. It was a phrase that he’d grown to resent, no matter how true it rang because it suggested that he couldn’t change things. 

When he wasn’t picked for the travel soccer team. When he got placed in honors classes and his best friend Johnny was wasn’t. When his family had to move into a smaller apartment after his parents split up. “It is what is,” she’d said. It meant that he couldn’t change things, but she always reminded him that he would survive regardless. And she wasn’t wrong.  _ Still.  _

“Well it is.” She’d smiled kindly despite his cynicism. 

“I know,” he’d replied, silently praying that things would be exactly how he wanted them to be. For Louis to feel the same way as Harry and for the two of them to go walking off hand in hand into the sunset. Or maybe follow one another into a closet to exchange mutual handjobs. Either way, he was hopeful. Even though he’d tried his best not to be.

Like a magnet, his eyes landed on Louis the minute he stepped into the larger room. He looked undeniably beautiful leaning against the wall wearing a simple pair of blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Harry’s breath caught in his throat as he made his way towards him, silently praying for everything to turn out okay.

“Hey,” Harry said, leaning next to him. He tried desperately to come off casual, though feeling the furthest thing from it. 

“’Sup?” Louis replied nonchalantly. Harry instantly wanted to shrink down to the size of his pinky toe and slink away. But he would see this through. He had to know. If he didn’t ask he would never forgive himself. 

“Did.” Harry cleared his throat, the words choking his windpipe. “Did you get my message?”

Louis didn’t answer him at first, his eyes aimed at his feet which were shuffling back and forth. “What?” he finally responded after what felt like a millennium and Harry sucked in a deep breath, overwhelmed with disappointment at what appeared to be Louis’ complete indifference towards him. 

“My message? I called, uh, and this woman said she’d give you the message.”

Louis shook his head, appearing to be confused which flustered Harry even more than he already was. Was it possible that Liam was right? That Louis hadn’t received his message? “How’d you get my number?” Louis asked him curiously. 

Harry’s could feel his cheeks heating up. “Uh…” He mindlessly fiddled with his belt buckle, keeping his hands busy while his heart threatened to pound out of his chest yet again. 

“I looked you up in the White Pages,” Harry admitted, embarrassed. At this point, he had to be at least five shades of red. 

“What?” Louis was looking at him with sheer disbelief. Harry’s heart plummeted even further.

“Sorry, if that’s like, not cool. I just… thought we could hang out? Maybe? But if you’re not…” Harry willed the floor to swallow him whole. Surely that would be better than standing here brutally exposed like this. Anything would be better than these horrible feelings of insecurity and doubt overcoming him. 

“Wait. My mom remarried. If you looked me up you were probably talking to my dickhead stepmom. I never would’ve gotten it,” Louis told him. Harry felt a surge of relief flowing through his veins and a distant, but familiar feeling slowly creeping back in.  _ Hope. _ He tried his best to tamper it down, determined to protect his fragile heart, but failed miserably.

“Oh. Well...” Harry’s hands fluttered nervously. “Fate?” Harry suggested. He kept his eyes focused on the wall in front of them, scared to meet Louis’ eyes. Terrified of what he might see hidden within the sea of blue.

It was quiet for a moment until Louis gently nudged Harry’s boot with his foot. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Cool. Me too. I mean, I’m glad you’re here,” Harry said, relief now seeping from every pore, a rush of words tumbling quickly out. “And if it’s, like, if you want…” Harry shoved a hand into the cargo pocket by his knee and pulled out a permanent marker. 

“What’s that for?”

“I wanted to be prepared, in case you were here. Wanna give you my number. Don’t want you to lose it.”

“Okay.” Louis smiled beautifully at him before offering up his hand. Louis held still while Harry slowly and carefully wrote his number on top of it, then blew on it.

Louis stared down at the numbers for a bit before looking back towards Harry.

There wasn’t much time for Harry to process what was happening between them because a woman who was presumably in charge began shouting instructions at all the extras. Harry barely heard her, though. He was too busy staring at Louis, waiting for more of something. 

Anything. 

It felt as if he was standing in front of some kind of precipitous ledge, waiting to either fall over or fly. The anticipation was absolutely killing him. 

He wanted to fly.

“Let’s go over there?” Harry suggested, nudging Louis’ shoulder and motioning towards the corner. 

“Okay.” Louis readily agreed, following his lead. Each step he took felt heavy, like he was marching them towards the scary unknown. Was it possible that Louis liked boys? Liked  _ him _ ? Or was that his mind playing hopeful tricks on him again? He just. Sometimes it seemed as if he wanted Harry just as badly. It was hard to know whether he was projecting his own desires or if it was real. 

God, he really wanted it to be real.

Louis moved in super close, much closer than what would typically be considered the friend zone and Harry felt like he might pass out. He forced himself to breathe in and out, silently counting the seconds in between. “Have you seen Steve or Liam?” Louis asked him, breaking the somewhat uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. 

Harry brushed his arm against Louis’ and felt a spark of electricity racing up his arm. “Sorry,” Harry apologized, though he wasn’t the slightest bit sorry. He wondered if Louis had felt that spark too and searched his eyes intently, determined to find answers hidden there. It was impossible to read him, though, because Louis started giggling hysterically, then ducked his head away from Harry, biting back a smile. Was he laughing at him? Harry wasn’t sure and it stressed him out not knowing. He still felt largely on edge, his insecurities getting the best of him. 

“Yeah,” Harry spoke close to Louis’ ear since the noise was beginning to pick up with the room almost full now. He wasn’t prepared to disclose the nature of the conversations he and Liam had shared so he hoped that Louis didn’t ask any more questions about it. “I ran into Liam last week actually. Haven’t seen him today though.”

Thankfully, right at that moment “1979” started playing and the crowd around them started to move, Harry and Louis happily joining in. 

It was  _ a lot.  _

Because Louis kept bumping into Harry. Casually or perhaps not so much, their bodies brushed together over and over and over again. 

Legs. Elbows. Shoulders. Louis was everywhere. Surrounding him. He could even smell him. Eternity by Calvin, he was pretty sure. Was he doing this on purpose?

Harry wasn’t sure, but he felt as if he was being set on fire with every accidental brush. 

When their fingers grazed against one another, Harry’s brain short circuited. Apparently skin on skin contact was more than he could bear.

Still, he wanted more of it. More of Louis’ soft caramel skin and blue, blue eyes. And he’d quite like to drown in Louis’ smile if that was actually a thing. And he could not for the life of him stop staring at his lips. He wanted those pink lips against his own more than anything else which is probably why he couldn’t help himself when it happened.

The room around them disappeared as Harry leaned forward, gently touching his lips to Louis’ forearm. It was a feather of a kiss, hardly a kiss at all if he was honest, but the anxiety from having done it still stole his breath. Immediately after making contact, he whipped around so he didn’t have to see Louis’ reaction, terrified of what he might find there. 

It seemed as if time stood still as Harry waited for something to happen, albeit good or bad. In an attempt to calm himself, he began to count slowly in his head and timed his breathing to match just like he’d been taught so many years ago. He made it all the way to eleven before he felt the weight of Louis’ arms draping over his shoulders and then he released the longest breath yet as he contemplated what that meant.

It felt like acceptance. His arms sounded like  _ yes. _

His heart pounded relentlessly as he took another chance, arching his back and bringing his shoulders closer to Louis as his head tilted backwards. 

For a moment everything was perfect. The music kept playing as the two of them stared at one another with stupid big smiles upon their lips. The air was charged with something that felt an awful lot like chemistry and Harry allowed himself to swim in the feeling, permitted it to wrap around him like the softest blanket. 

But then someone yelled “Cut!” effectively ripping Harry from his glorious daydream. He stepped forward, out from Louis’ reach and instantly resented the space he’d created between them.

A look to his right revealed Louis staring down at his feet once more and Harry panicked. He could only imagine what Louis might be thinking right now. Things had gone from super-charged to stilted silence in a matter of seconds. It felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over their heads and Harry absolutely hated it. All he wanted was for them to get back to touching one another again.

Not having the chance was unthinkable so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

Harry turned and whispered to Louis, “Wanna go outside?”

Thankfully, Louis nodded in reply. 

The crew was setting up again and people were walking all around so no one paid any attention when Harry slid open the glass door. Louis followed him outside, visibly shivering in the cold night air. It was a dramatic change in temperature from the humid, packed house, but Harry always ran hot so it was a welcome change to him. 

Still, the last thing he wanted was for Louis to be uncomfortable. “You okay?” Harry asked. 

Louis simply nodded again and Harry took a deep breath in. It would be loads better if he could hear Louis’ voice. It would be easier to gauge how the other boy was feeling. With things between them falling quiet again, the insecurities crept back in and Harry hated that even more than the silence. 

Some of the other extras had followed them outside, spilling out onto the patio surrounding the pool and Harry knew that whatever had to be said would require more privacy than this. He tilted his head toward a darker part of the yard, where the spotlights didn’t reach and once again, Louis nodded his agreement, following him quietly. It was unnerving.

Harry counted his breathing again as they began to walk away from everyone.

“Hey,” Harry finally said once they found a secure spot.

“Hey yourself,” Louis replied, still not offering much in way of conversation. Harry took a shaky breath in, contemplating what to say next.

But then Louis knocked his knuckles against Harry’s and Harry’s heart stuttered in his chest. That wasn’t an accident, he thought. It couldn’t have been. 

His mind took off racing. Conjuring up images of kissing and touching and so much more. And before Harry could stop it from happening, he was chubbing up in his jeans, embarrassingly. God, he hoped that Louis didn’t notice because he was horrified to be feeling so much when it was still unclear if Louis was feeling anything at all. 

“Having fun?” Harry asked, at a loss for words and desperate to fill the silence. Anything to will his condition away. 

“Yeah. Lots. You?”

Harry nodded, his eyes laser focused upon Louis’ lips. What was he supposed to say?  _ I want to kiss you. Please let me.  _

“You’re shaking,” Harry said instead. 

“̕S cold out.” 

“I could…” Harry sucked in a deep breath of the cold night air, and though he could feel his arms shaking, he spread them open wide, inviting Louis to step into them. It was bold, for sure, the darkness somehow making him feel brave. 

“You’re sure?” Louis asked, looking quite unsure himself.

Harry smiled back brightly, hoping it would serve as reassurance.”Yeah. Please. I’d like—”

“I think I’m gay,” Louis blurted. “So, if that changes…” 

Harry stared back at him wide-eyed, his arms dropping back down to his sides. 

_ I think I’m gay.  _ The words echoed inside his head over and over again, rendering him temporarily speechless. Until he saw how nervous Louis looked and that? Well, that simply would not do. 

“Oh, that’s… okay.” Harry was nervous, too. Just because Louis thought himself gay didn’t mean that he was attracted to Harry, but he bit back his own insecurities in order to set Louis’ at ease. It had been a pretty big confession, after all. “That’s… I’m… that’s totally fine, like, with me.” He lifted his arms again. “Offer’s still—” 

Louis never let him finish. He moved into Harry’s arms and pressed their bodies together, seeking warmth and hopefully something more. For a total of about five seconds, Harry felt warm relief spread throughout him. 

And then Louis inched his hips backwards, the implications of that  _ perfectly clear.  _ He’d obviously felt Harry’s hard dick pressed shamelessly against his thigh.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut as he cleared his throat. “Sorry. I… You’re—”

He felt Louis shrug before responding. “It’s okay. I—” 

_ I what?  _ Harry thought.  _ I liked it _ .  _ Me too?  _ He wondered what Louis had been about to say, but then he felt him shiver in his arms, and he decided that it didn’t matter. Not really. 

He opened his eyes and stared at Louis curiously while biting his lip anxiously. It took a moment for Louis to meet his eyes and when he did, Harry found what he was looking for. 

He saw heat. 

Slowly, allowing himself time to ensure that he was right about what he saw, Harry inched his face forward, and thankfully, Louis drew closer as well. 

After one glance down at Louis’ lips, Harry closed his eyes before closing the distance. And then they were kissing. 

It was tentative at first, their lips pressed together as their arms wrapped gently around each other. 

Then Harry flicked his tongue, Louis opened up for a deeper kiss and their arms squeezed much more tightly. 

Louis’ fingers tangled themselves in Harry’s hair, pulling gently and Harry couldn’t help the sounds escaping his mouth. His palms gripped Louis’ ass through his jeans and he felt as if he was on another dimension altogether. Nothing had ever felt so good or so right to him. He couldn’t get enough. Would never be able to get enough of this boy in his arms. 

It felt like a dream and he meant to pinch himself, but he wasn’t about to let go of Louis to do it so he pinched his bum instead. When Louis pressed more closely to him and he could feel that he wasn’t the only one affected, he moaned into his mouth again. 

It must’ve been louder than he realized, though, because Louis pulled away from him with a giggle. “Shhh.” Louis put a finger to his lips—the very same pink lips that had just been attached to Harry’s. He stared at Louis stupidly, feeling completely overwhelmed by this boy and wanting nothing more than to yank him right back into their kisses, never wanting them to end. “Don’t want to be caught. Don’t know when the next time—”

“You’ll call me, right?” Harry asked, instantly anxious. The thought of not seeing him again was devastating. This couldn’t be a one time thing. Not after he’d finally had a taste. And for the record, it hadn’t been watermelon or any kind of fruit that Louis tasted of. Rather, Louis tasted like mint and a hint of something sweet, uniquely his own. It was intoxicating and Harry wanted more. 

“Yeah, yeah, I will. I promise. And I can borrow my mom’s car too—”

Harry felt like his smile was going to split his face in two. “I just got my learner’s permit, so like, soon…”

“Think we’re missing anything in there?” Louis asked. 

Harry glanced back over to the patio and spotted Liam laughing, flanked by extras on either side. The faux house party looked as if it might be turning into an actual pool party and while Liam seemed to be having the time of his life, Harry was happy to leave them all to it. At the moment, he had much better things to do. 

“Doubt it. I’d rather be right here, honestly.” He smiled back at Louis.

Louis ducked back in for another kiss then, finally putting Harry’s restless mind at ease. He sighed happily into Louis’ mouth, thinking he’d like to do this all night long. 

And then after tonight, he wanted to go on dates with him. To sit in a dark movie theater and hold his hand. To walk with him hand in hand in the sunshine in the park. He felt a sudden urge to buy him flowers and wondered if Louis would like them, but imagined he probably would. 

It was scary how much he wanted and how quickly because he basically wanted everything and nothing less. But for tonight he would settle for more of this. For more of their lips pressed together and exchanges of sweet breath. And for more of this beautiful boy. 


End file.
